Hollywood Reporter #1

A report from a friend of mine, Heike Brunner, who is currently in Hollywood, trying to land her first role in a Holywood movie.

Hi!

For those of you I didn't get in touch with before I left Paris, just a quick note of explanation. I am currently in Los Angeles for 3 months...checking out the scene and hoping to run into Charlize (Theron). This was prompted by (yet another) acting masterclass that I did in June in Paris with a well-know coach
from LA (his clients are many recent Oscar winners). He encouraged me to come to the States and given his status in this town, I decided to come over ASAP - to work with him some more and see what it's like in Tinseltown.

I am almost exactly half way through my stay here...so I thought it was about time for a report. I can't fit it all in, so I'll just start somewhere and see where it goes -

I am having a very good time in California, partly because it's so nuts you feel like you're in a movie most of the time (and very often you are. Or at least, you're just on the wrong side of the yellow-tape marking off yet another location) and partly because I know I can go home and don't have to put up with the madness and "LA-ness" forever... it is an anthropological experience, to say the least! Where else could you be waiting at a traffic light and casually glance to your left and see a fat, bald man in the vehicle next to you, with very long, painted fingernails and ladies' hands?
Where else do you hear adverts for diet pills and plastic surgery on the radio? The early morning radio DJ extolling the virtues of her plastic surgeon? I mean PUHLEEEEZE! Radio ads that go on for 3 mins or more! Forget the 30 sec spot with a jingle and catchy pay-off line. And there is always an 1-800-INSTABUY number to go with any product.
I recently saw a TV commercial for (yet another) best of Elvis compilation Cd's (at around H in the morning) and a "rushed delivery" 1-800 number. " Yes, please, I need my Elvis CD RIGHT NOW! I cannot wait - rush it to me, it's an emergency!" This ad was followed by an ad for a new toilet ..one that cleans your bum after use, although they didn't ever say that directly. Instead there was lots of "are you as clean as you should be?" and a demo of a spray of water that spritzes across the toilet bowl at the touch of a button. Thus, when seated, that water spritzes directly up your tush! But nobody wanted to say so. Instead this busty blonde says "it's quite an experience" and gives you an evil grin. Hilarious. The whole ad starts with someone trying to clean dirty dishes with tissue paper and a man with caked, dried mud ALL over his body trying to remove it with tissues, instead of water, under the shower.

My Hollywood stage play (the musical comedy without music, as it were) ends tomorrow. Our director still insists that "I can make you guys stars on Broadway within 3 weeks. This show is Broadway-ready." But I'm pleased to say that I have had a call-back for a short-film and have made it through to the final round of call-backs on Monday. For the role of a 17 yr old ballet dancer, no less. We had the dance auditions today and it must have gone well if they decided to call me back again, right?

And in other news, I met with the President of ABC/Touchstone Pictures/Buena Vista last Wednesday. His sister is a fitness client of mine in Paris. He was very nice and will put me in touch with his casting department (for what it's worth...) Ironically, he is too high up in the chain to be able to do anything directly because he has people and departments below him who deal with actors etc... so for the first time in my life I have contacts and they turn out to be in places that are too high!

Incidentally, the ABC/Touchstone/Buena Vista Offices are in Disney's complex because all those companies are 1 big, happy family (how they fit together, I don't exactly know, but they are basically one - I'm guessing Disney owns them all and not vice versa). So, the Presidents' office is located in "Dopey Street" and I had to walk down "Mickey Street" and past a shrub that had been pruned to be a likeness of Mickey himself, to get there. I tried hard not to laugh. It is a little Disneyland there and they even have a Disney Store, but obviously, the whole compound is not open to the public. This is just to keep team members spirits up, or something.
I had trouble with security upon arrival because the name they had for me did not match that on my French Carte de Sejour, but eventually I agreed to go in as Hyka Bura, as was printed on the 2 stickers I was given.

I also had the privilege of being abused by other producers in Beverly Hills. A very "The Player" experience... these people tell you over and over that the chances of your ever having a career here are "miniscule", that no-one they have the power to introduce you to is actually going to give you a second glance and that your chances of success are "1 in a million". Then you have to sit through insults about your appearance, defend everything on your resume (from Taekwondo training to Afrikaans) and listen to them scoff at the very thought that you might get a call-back. Furthermore, you get to be the happy witness to employee abuse too! Phew - Hollywood as high school with playground bullies who smoke cigars....

Anyway, it's 2 AM and I must to bed....tomorrow is Vaughn's Birthday. Vaughn is an old friend from Drama School in South Africa, whose house I'm currently living in, and we are having a birthday party after my final performance of "Devin's Challenge", the (un)musical comedy.

After the commercial break, I shall be back with a report on traffic and driving on the LA freeways.